Finding Balance
Ultimately I believe that we continue to experience certain lessons in life, over and over again, until we become mindful of the patterns that we actually have a big hand in creating. It's easy to fall into the trap of being a victim and of the blame game; conditions, other people, the planets, etc.. Whatever the circumstances the responsibility ultimately is our own.
Life is uncertain. Something may work today and not tomorrow. People can be mean, rude, unfair, cruel and demanding. Things may not go the way you want them to; your current path may suddenly take an unexpected detour and send you spiraling in another direction; or someone you love may treat you unfairly or callously or even fall completely from your life. Things change. Period.
And, what do we do? We react. We complain, whine, cry, rant and rave about the unfairness of it all. We hide, escape, criticize, and punish others and ourselves, and the list goes on. You name it, we do it all except take responsibility for it ourselves.
When you don't learn something the first time you can wager you will experience it again and again until you do get it. And then usually once more as the Universe wants to make sure you truly did learn the lesson. No person, no situation, no anything can make you feel less than, wounded, or hurt, that is entirely up to You. You chose how you react, how you see something, how you are going to respond. We can choose retaliation. We can choose to react in kind...a tooth for a tooth. Or we can choose to immerse ourselves in the pain of the moment, diving deeply into the darkness so that we may explore it's depths. This path leads to unlearning the behaviors that set us up in the first place. Once recognized then those conditioned ways of life, that we repeat over and over again, can be replaced with healthier more life affirming practises.
This 'skeleton' of a leaf was eaten away by beetles. I found it and many more on my daily walk. It's still beautiful in its lace work, different than before but it remains whole. Sometimes this is how I feel, eaten away at, full of holes but my edges are intact and I am still beautiful within my form, still intact but different than before.
I am frequently aware that just when I need it a teaching comes before me that I need in that moment. Call it synchronicity or call it coincidence what have you, but it fills me with gratefulness. In my continuing exploration of 'The Sufi Book of Life 99 Pathways to the Heart' by Neil Douglas-Klotz, through art journaling and collage, this has happened before. The two pathways I have currently been studying, 22 Diminishment and 23 Exaltation have come at a time in my life when it seems that I am swinging between two emotional poles and I need to find middle ground so I may balance myself upon a firm foundation.
In the past few weeks I have once again been experiencing feelings of being less than, of feeling diminished. My moods were swinging between anger and hurt; of feeling unappreciated, used, and under valued; abandoned, unlovable and lonely.
I was down, depressed and dark.
I recognize when I need some art therapy and spiritual guidance so I picked up my Sufi Book and got out the art supplies and ... opened to Diminishment! And I read, "sometimes your worst is good enough" it's called "divine depression". Honor that part of yourself that feels low, depressed, small and insignificant. It encourages you to go within and look closely into your own darkness. So that's what I did. It's not fun, it's not pleasurable. But it is necessary for growth, for uncovering just a little bit more of your own humanity, your soul. And once you recognize and accept what you find there then you can release it and begin the healing process.
I learned that my woundedness and my reaction of anger was not really aimed towards the people that I felt had attacked me but rather I was angry at myself. In my deep seeded need for belonging and depth I opened myself too much. I was angry at myself for not standing up for myself, for not using my voice to say "No" and for just taking their harsh and hurtful comments and letting it effect me. What other people think of me is none of my business and I don't have to agree with them. I don't need those type of people in my life. The fact that they have to lash out and make others feel less than is a reflection of themselves.
So in a way I am thankful for this time of darkness as it was a lesson I have visited time and again throughout my life but until now I hadn't fully grasped! I needed to see it so I could move on. Only I can make myself feel less than. I choose to stand strong and tall in my truth. "The one may be hiding in the smallest face of our inner nature. Hold this part of yourself in your heart, look into the dark."
I release all of my preconceptions of my self, all of those things that I believe. I allow the One to penetrate that part of me that feels less than with healing light.
My collage for 'diminishment' is set against a night sky representing the darkness I was experiencing. A statue of a screaming and cowering figure reels backwards in pain. But then across the sky a dramatic green aborealis appears and dances, the light hidden in darkness. The silhouette of a dandelion head illuminated by light supports the figure and seeds burst forth and fly into the night representing the seeds of creativity born of the experience. Where will those seeds land and take root? A small lacy leaf in the corner reminds us that the One can be found "also in the darkest recesses."
Moving from Diminishment then we swing to the other extreme 'Exaltation' pathway 23! This is about joy swelling and filling within you to the point where you could dance. These are the moments in life when you are carried away on a wave of happy emotion, elation. You feel refreshed and redeemed. "Ooh La La"!
This pathway is also about extremes, about being way up or way down low and about the action of swinging between the two emotionally. I thought dance was the perfect representation of these emotions. Ballet dancers wear specially made pointe slippers that have a reinforced structure giving them the ability to perform difficult movements. My spiritual practice is my foundation. That enables me to move gracefully through this life...at least most of the time, I am human after all.
A ballet dancer draped in dark colors represents the flowing, watery element of emotion at its lowest expression, sadness, hurt, and pain. A ballerina in bright pink flies through the air joyfully on the other extreme. A pair of dancers in the lower center represents the balance between the two in a dance as they support and uplift each other.
Behind the dancers a profile swirled in colors representing the mind and it's many moods, emotions held and experienced. Ballet is a discipline just as being mindful to the constant voices of the ego is. All of our emotions can be acknowledged and all have their place but in the end all should be let go so that only balance remains. The beauty of the dance is in the moment and then it is over. Feel jubilant, feel down and out but know it will come to pass and then it is over. It is an invitation and a blessing all at once.
Life is uncertain. Something may work today and not tomorrow. People can be mean, rude, unfair, cruel and demanding. Things may not go the way you want them to; your current path may suddenly take an unexpected detour and send you spiraling in another direction; or someone you love may treat you unfairly or callously or even fall completely from your life. Things change. Period.
And, what do we do? We react. We complain, whine, cry, rant and rave about the unfairness of it all. We hide, escape, criticize, and punish others and ourselves, and the list goes on. You name it, we do it all except take responsibility for it ourselves.
When you don't learn something the first time you can wager you will experience it again and again until you do get it. And then usually once more as the Universe wants to make sure you truly did learn the lesson. No person, no situation, no anything can make you feel less than, wounded, or hurt, that is entirely up to You. You chose how you react, how you see something, how you are going to respond. We can choose retaliation. We can choose to react in kind...a tooth for a tooth. Or we can choose to immerse ourselves in the pain of the moment, diving deeply into the darkness so that we may explore it's depths. This path leads to unlearning the behaviors that set us up in the first place. Once recognized then those conditioned ways of life, that we repeat over and over again, can be replaced with healthier more life affirming practises.
 |
| Leaf eaten away by beetles. |
This 'skeleton' of a leaf was eaten away by beetles. I found it and many more on my daily walk. It's still beautiful in its lace work, different than before but it remains whole. Sometimes this is how I feel, eaten away at, full of holes but my edges are intact and I am still beautiful within my form, still intact but different than before.
I am frequently aware that just when I need it a teaching comes before me that I need in that moment. Call it synchronicity or call it coincidence what have you, but it fills me with gratefulness. In my continuing exploration of 'The Sufi Book of Life 99 Pathways to the Heart' by Neil Douglas-Klotz, through art journaling and collage, this has happened before. The two pathways I have currently been studying, 22 Diminishment and 23 Exaltation have come at a time in my life when it seems that I am swinging between two emotional poles and I need to find middle ground so I may balance myself upon a firm foundation.
 |
| Pathway 22, Diminishment. |
In the past few weeks I have once again been experiencing feelings of being less than, of feeling diminished. My moods were swinging between anger and hurt; of feeling unappreciated, used, and under valued; abandoned, unlovable and lonely.
I was down, depressed and dark.
I recognize when I need some art therapy and spiritual guidance so I picked up my Sufi Book and got out the art supplies and ... opened to Diminishment! And I read, "sometimes your worst is good enough" it's called "divine depression". Honor that part of yourself that feels low, depressed, small and insignificant. It encourages you to go within and look closely into your own darkness. So that's what I did. It's not fun, it's not pleasurable. But it is necessary for growth, for uncovering just a little bit more of your own humanity, your soul. And once you recognize and accept what you find there then you can release it and begin the healing process.
I learned that my woundedness and my reaction of anger was not really aimed towards the people that I felt had attacked me but rather I was angry at myself. In my deep seeded need for belonging and depth I opened myself too much. I was angry at myself for not standing up for myself, for not using my voice to say "No" and for just taking their harsh and hurtful comments and letting it effect me. What other people think of me is none of my business and I don't have to agree with them. I don't need those type of people in my life. The fact that they have to lash out and make others feel less than is a reflection of themselves.
So in a way I am thankful for this time of darkness as it was a lesson I have visited time and again throughout my life but until now I hadn't fully grasped! I needed to see it so I could move on. Only I can make myself feel less than. I choose to stand strong and tall in my truth. "The one may be hiding in the smallest face of our inner nature. Hold this part of yourself in your heart, look into the dark."
I release all of my preconceptions of my self, all of those things that I believe. I allow the One to penetrate that part of me that feels less than with healing light.
My collage for 'diminishment' is set against a night sky representing the darkness I was experiencing. A statue of a screaming and cowering figure reels backwards in pain. But then across the sky a dramatic green aborealis appears and dances, the light hidden in darkness. The silhouette of a dandelion head illuminated by light supports the figure and seeds burst forth and fly into the night representing the seeds of creativity born of the experience. Where will those seeds land and take root? A small lacy leaf in the corner reminds us that the One can be found "also in the darkest recesses."
 |
| Pathway 23, Exaltation. |
Moving from Diminishment then we swing to the other extreme 'Exaltation' pathway 23! This is about joy swelling and filling within you to the point where you could dance. These are the moments in life when you are carried away on a wave of happy emotion, elation. You feel refreshed and redeemed. "Ooh La La"!
This pathway is also about extremes, about being way up or way down low and about the action of swinging between the two emotionally. I thought dance was the perfect representation of these emotions. Ballet dancers wear specially made pointe slippers that have a reinforced structure giving them the ability to perform difficult movements. My spiritual practice is my foundation. That enables me to move gracefully through this life...at least most of the time, I am human after all.
A ballet dancer draped in dark colors represents the flowing, watery element of emotion at its lowest expression, sadness, hurt, and pain. A ballerina in bright pink flies through the air joyfully on the other extreme. A pair of dancers in the lower center represents the balance between the two in a dance as they support and uplift each other.
Behind the dancers a profile swirled in colors representing the mind and it's many moods, emotions held and experienced. Ballet is a discipline just as being mindful to the constant voices of the ego is. All of our emotions can be acknowledged and all have their place but in the end all should be let go so that only balance remains. The beauty of the dance is in the moment and then it is over. Feel jubilant, feel down and out but know it will come to pass and then it is over. It is an invitation and a blessing all at once.
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