Embracing the Highs and Lows of My Weirdness
Where does time go? It's been over a year since I posted on Women In-Spirit. I tried a number of times to rally, to breathe new being into my creative life, but I just wasn't feeling it no matter what I did. I hadn't written or collaged much, here and there at best, but again it felt like an uphill climb in high altitude. So I decided to stop and look about me, change directions for awhile, and catch my breath. All the while I knew I would return to my blog because I don't like to start something and not finish it. My spiritual art exploration of the "Sufi Book of Life-99 Pathways of the Heart", by Neil Douglas-Klotz, through collage was far from complete. Sometimes you just have to trust the process. I needed to rediscover my passion.
So off in a new direction I went. Last March, a year ago, I saw an ad for a seasonal, part time job opening at a local greenhouse and garden center. It kept nudging at me so I answered, and it was just what I needed. Now, I will say, it has been the most physically demanding job I have ever had. I was always exhausted, my body and feet hurt daily and yet it didn’t feel like work, it was play to me. I came home and promptly fell asleep for hours every day but at the same time it renewed my spirit and brought me joy. I worked longer than the usual season last year but had just returned for a second season when unfortunately the pandemic hit and now we are on hold indefinitely.
Having been a professional florist and manager for the majority of my working life flowers, plants and creating beauty has been my bliss. For a time I redirected into interior design but it wasn't the same. But what I was to discover was my love for the stories that people share in regards to their emotional connections with flowers, gardening and nature. And, in turn, writing about those deep connections. It was also an opportunity to practice mindfulness and gratitude. With every plant I handled I silently offered up love and blessings.
I've recently been reading "Creative Calling" by Chase Jarvis which shares his philosophy and experience with living a creative life and creating a practice for your passions. He writes passionately about embracing our own "weirdness" or in other words our authentic selves. And as he states "we are all weird" and it's up to us to share our unique vision with others and in return they will resonate from the connection made with our truth.
These next two pathways , "High Self Esteem" and "Low Self Esteem" couldn't have been more appropriate for my return. Our Self esteem is one of the ways we experience our Self. It is the ground from which we respond to life, people, our successes and our failures. “Everything is affected by our deepest sense of who and what we think we are, what we are capable of, what we deserve, and what is appropriate to us, “ as Nathaniel Brandon, noted expert/writer on Self Esteem, said.
Pathway 24, High "Self" Esteem. My favorite passage from this pathway is from Rumi as he speaks about chickpeas cooking in a pot and how they try to jump out, and the cook keeps batting them back down with a spoon; "you were once drinking fresh dew in the garden. That was so you could be a nice meal for the Guest. Don't dwell on the self you think you are. Let yourself be transformed into something even better- a meal for the Beloved! We don’t know what our life’s purpose is so we resist being cooked just like those chickpeas. We let our ego dictate or we convince ourselves that we couldn’t possibly do what we enjoy because we “can’t” make a living doing it. Follow your passion, those weird things that make you, you. The light within both is a reflection of the Universe.
Sometimes we just have to look at ourselves squarely in that mirror. Looking deeply and clearly. Acknowledge. Recognize. Accept. Embrace. It's the only way to move forward. I have always been passionate about flowers, plants, nature and writing. These passions started when I was a young child. My pockets were always full of rocks and shells; I was always dragging home branches, bigger rocks, and birds nests; my room always looked like a science project; I was always up a tree or under the lilac bushes, wading in a creek or digging in the garden and I hated to wear shoes; and I was always reading about nature or writing stories about nature. It was natural I suppose that I went into floristry. Design was how I expressed myself. When I write 80% of the time it is about nature or our relationship to it. So why have I not always combined the two? So I wrote a book... still in the “what do I do with it now phase”! But, it combines everything that I love, it’s a testament to my weirdness!
In my collage a butterfly feeds upon the pollen of a flower. Butterflies are symbols of transformation. Each has a light within. Each is a reflection of the Divine. Everything in nature is always in a state of transformation, eating or being eaten, “For the sake of an evolution driven by love.” That part of your Self that is confident is also a reflection. By honoring your gifts, your weirdness, you honor the universe. It has nothing to do with ego, with who we think we are but rather
High self esteem is when we honor “the certainty” , the strength that we have that comes from source. Let it be your anchor.
At various times in my life I have felt fractured, weak, exhausted, and as if I just couldn’t manage anything more. Usually this follows when I start doing things that don’t resonate with my spirit. My natural inclination is to pull away, hide, sit all alone off by myself. And honestly that is because no one wants to see it, hear it, or be reminded of it. Society dictates that if you are out of sorts, moody, or depressed that you should just stay home, see a shrink, and don’t surface until you are back up again. This pathway asks us rather to acknowledge and embrace these feelings because they too are sacred. These are opportunities to learn from your Self. They are signposts that perhaps you are following other people’s agendas and not being true to your Self. It leads ultimately to unlearning the false beliefs we hold about ourselves.
Go seek, don’t hide from your self because we really can’t, eventually it will catch up to you. Better to go deep into why we feel isolated, alone, exhausted and out of sorts. It’s the first step towards freedom. If we look on self esteem as a spiritual practice we can strengthen our responses and our resolve towards personal integrity, self confidence, self assertiveness, living a conscious life, living responsibly and living a purposeful life.
So off in a new direction I went. Last March, a year ago, I saw an ad for a seasonal, part time job opening at a local greenhouse and garden center. It kept nudging at me so I answered, and it was just what I needed. Now, I will say, it has been the most physically demanding job I have ever had. I was always exhausted, my body and feet hurt daily and yet it didn’t feel like work, it was play to me. I came home and promptly fell asleep for hours every day but at the same time it renewed my spirit and brought me joy. I worked longer than the usual season last year but had just returned for a second season when unfortunately the pandemic hit and now we are on hold indefinitely.
Having been a professional florist and manager for the majority of my working life flowers, plants and creating beauty has been my bliss. For a time I redirected into interior design but it wasn't the same. But what I was to discover was my love for the stories that people share in regards to their emotional connections with flowers, gardening and nature. And, in turn, writing about those deep connections. It was also an opportunity to practice mindfulness and gratitude. With every plant I handled I silently offered up love and blessings.
I've recently been reading "Creative Calling" by Chase Jarvis which shares his philosophy and experience with living a creative life and creating a practice for your passions. He writes passionately about embracing our own "weirdness" or in other words our authentic selves. And as he states "we are all weird" and it's up to us to share our unique vision with others and in return they will resonate from the connection made with our truth.
These next two pathways , "High Self Esteem" and "Low Self Esteem" couldn't have been more appropriate for my return. Our Self esteem is one of the ways we experience our Self. It is the ground from which we respond to life, people, our successes and our failures. “Everything is affected by our deepest sense of who and what we think we are, what we are capable of, what we deserve, and what is appropriate to us, “ as Nathaniel Brandon, noted expert/writer on Self Esteem, said.
Pathway 24, High "Self" Esteem. My favorite passage from this pathway is from Rumi as he speaks about chickpeas cooking in a pot and how they try to jump out, and the cook keeps batting them back down with a spoon; "you were once drinking fresh dew in the garden. That was so you could be a nice meal for the Guest. Don't dwell on the self you think you are. Let yourself be transformed into something even better- a meal for the Beloved! We don’t know what our life’s purpose is so we resist being cooked just like those chickpeas. We let our ego dictate or we convince ourselves that we couldn’t possibly do what we enjoy because we “can’t” make a living doing it. Follow your passion, those weird things that make you, you. The light within both is a reflection of the Universe.
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| Pathway 24 High “Self Esteem”. |
In my collage a butterfly feeds upon the pollen of a flower. Butterflies are symbols of transformation. Each has a light within. Each is a reflection of the Divine. Everything in nature is always in a state of transformation, eating or being eaten, “For the sake of an evolution driven by love.” That part of your Self that is confident is also a reflection. By honoring your gifts, your weirdness, you honor the universe. It has nothing to do with ego, with who we think we are but rather
High self esteem is when we honor “the certainty” , the strength that we have that comes from source. Let it be your anchor.
 |
| Pathway 25, Low Self Esteem. |
At various times in my life I have felt fractured, weak, exhausted, and as if I just couldn’t manage anything more. Usually this follows when I start doing things that don’t resonate with my spirit. My natural inclination is to pull away, hide, sit all alone off by myself. And honestly that is because no one wants to see it, hear it, or be reminded of it. Society dictates that if you are out of sorts, moody, or depressed that you should just stay home, see a shrink, and don’t surface until you are back up again. This pathway asks us rather to acknowledge and embrace these feelings because they too are sacred. These are opportunities to learn from your Self. They are signposts that perhaps you are following other people’s agendas and not being true to your Self. It leads ultimately to unlearning the false beliefs we hold about ourselves.
Go seek, don’t hide from your self because we really can’t, eventually it will catch up to you. Better to go deep into why we feel isolated, alone, exhausted and out of sorts. It’s the first step towards freedom. If we look on self esteem as a spiritual practice we can strengthen our responses and our resolve towards personal integrity, self confidence, self assertiveness, living a conscious life, living responsibly and living a purposeful life.
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